American Gothic (Chemtrail Edition)

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“Ask me about chemtrails”

The shirt says “Ask me about chemtrails” without actually saying it. Which is perfect, because I was going to tell you anyway.

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“Conversation ender”

The shirt is soft, breathable, and makes people instantly regret asking, “What’s that about?”

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“Fewer hugs at family gatherings”

Bought the shirt. Now I get fewer hugs at family gatherings. 10/10.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“I will ruin this party”

It’s great. It tells people “I have questions,” and “I will ruin this party,” all in one breathable cotton blend.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“Made a vegan cry”

This shirt made a vegan cry and got me reported to the UN. Thanks, MSBA!

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“No peanuts for me.”

I wore it on a plane. Flight attendant asked if I had any questions. I said, “Yeah. What’s that trail outside the window?” No peanuts for me.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“Peak irony. Great shirt.”

Wore this near a college campus. Someone yelled “science denier!” while vaping in front of a chemtrail. Peak irony. Great shirt.

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“Reported!”

Saw a tinfoil nut wearing this at a climate rally. I was shaking. This shirt is literal climate violence. Reported!

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“These shirts should be illegal”

These shirts should be illegal. I have a PhD in Climate Justice—this is pure misinformation.

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“This shirt literally kills people”

This kind of shirt literally kills people. My uncle read it and now he’s questioning our own government. Terrifying.

★ ★ ★ ★ ★

“Yes, I'm wearing this in public!”

My cousin said, “Are you seriously wearing that in public?” I said, “Well I was gonna wear my fluoride helmet, but it’s in the wash.